The Story of Outerspace Future Xmas: My Happy Holiday Card To You!

Happy holidays: ALL THE HOLIDAYS!

Merry Christmas, Freaky Festivus, Happy Belated Hannukah, Happy Early Kwanza, A Very Merrily Anticipated Boxing Day, Hooray for the world not ending on December 21st, & all the rest...

So whatever you might be celebrating, please don't forget to enjoy hyperbolic aesthetic audacity, the joy of friends, family, and all the utterly weird and wonderful things that we do before returning to sober sanity in January.

That means, this is the time of year when we contemplate The Story of Outerspace Future Xmas . . .

On a frozen night late in December, a mysterious, but beautiful light was pulsating in the sky, it's colored rays reflected and refracted by ice crystals high in the atmosphere . . .

Being drawn to that spectral light, three quantum entities arrived from light-millenia away. Having no earthly bodies, they silently uttered, "Take us to your leader," in some unspeakable paradox of language . . .

And demanded to see the newly supernova'd interstellar space baby, whose existence was utterly unknown to us . . .

They bore no gift of frankincense, but instead produced a glowing boombox, powered by neutrinos and black hole dust. And when they started up an interstellar supernova birthday disco dance party, it went a little something like this . . .

 Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Technicolor Space Boobs Redux (My Weird Holiday Gift To You)

December is . . . the season for technicolor space boobs!!!

And no matter which December holidays you celebrate (or don't), I believe that decorating one's living space with a bunch of crazy colored twinkle lights makes the world a better place. I mean, it can't really hurt, right? Apart from the increased electric bill and the impending doom of the planet due to fossil fuel induced global warming. But that's where LEDs come in. These strings of light emitting diodes not only use less electricity than conventional xmas lights, they contribute a whole new kind of weird to the holidays. Behold...

Last year marked my induction into the LED xmas light fan club, when I discovered that the Home Depot brand lights cast crazy colored circles all over the place. This year, in addition to the tree, the technicolor space boobs have also colonized my front porch in the form of icicle lights. I attempted to capture their glory in video form, but it was unsuccessful. Maybe this time next year I will have learned how to take a decent movie of my beloved lights. In the meantime, here's a video of someone else's totally insane exterior light display. Happy Weird Holidays!! 

Technicolor Space Boobs!!

With heat indices flirting with 100 degrees F here, this will be a very unseasonable post.  But what better way to keep cool than with ultra-cool lighting solutions?  No discussion of The New Weird would be complete without a salute to my new favorite xmas lights:

These are Home Depot brand LED xmas lights, and they are AMAZING.  Yes, they are energy efficient and save the planet, so you don't have to feel bad about all the superfluous fossil fuels that power your holiday (and everyday) decor.  Yes, they are cool to the touch and won't burn down the cone of kerosene and tinder that is your xmas tree.  But, most importantly, they can do this:

Outer-space future xmas!  Brought to you by LED technology.  It's like the Ghost of Christmas Future emerging from my living room wall.  Gorgeous.

Xmas has always been a (wonderfully) arresting and lurid sight, but we're entering a whole new era of awesomeness with this globular, mammarian spectacle. 

Yes.  These lights project technicolor space boobs all over your walls!  And that is weirdness of the highest order.  So why reserve them for the winter months?  These lights are gorgeous enough to light up your life all year round.  I've got plans to class them up a little by turning them into a lamp.  That way, they'll cast weirdo circles on the walls but won't make the place feel like a dorm room at the same time.